once upon a time a lady named sam got up to feed her baby girl at 6 am. the two sat on the rocking chair in the nursery and as the baby drank her bottle, the lady named sam dozed a bit.
when the baby was almost done with her bottle, she began to grunt. oh, said sam. little baby girl is making a poop. let me have her finish her bottle and then i will change her diaper.
baby girl finished, and sam got up to bring baby to the changing table. while putting baby girl on top, sam made a terrible discovery... smears of poop upon her arm. THE DIAPER HAD EXPLODED!
quickly sam assessed the issue. there was a diaper breach of security at one side, and the baby's onesie would have to be removed very carefully so that sam did not smear poop over the baby any more. at this point, baby had poop all over her feet and legs, and sam feared onesie removal might spread it to the upper regions. very carefully, sam rolled up the poo part of the onesie and pulled it over the babys head. there was actually so much poop on the onesie, sam decided to just throw it away. thankfully it was that stupid i heart astoria one.
sam quickly changed the babys diaper, which actually required very little clean up, since sam soon discovered very little poop actually made it into the diaper. this discovery was compounded by the fact that sam felt a little slimy green squish while stepping over to throw something away. the poop was migrant.
THERE WAS POOP ON THE FLOOR, POOP ON THE ROCKING CHAIR, POOP ON THE ROCKING CHAIR PAD, POOP ON SAM'S FAVORITE PAJAMA PANTS, AND OF COURSE, MORE POOP ON SAM AND THE BABY.
What a horrible way to start my morning thought sam as she cleaned up the gobs of the gross green stuff everywhere. When finally done, sam had to take off her pants (dont get any ideas! i said above they fell victim to the poo!) , wipe herself and the baby, slather on copious amounts of antibacterial gel, wipe herself and the baby some more, and then re-antibacterialize again.
Sam sighed and looked over to baby girl, who was busy gleaming the biggest smile of her lifetime. Well, that wasnt so bad, was it?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment